Vignette - Indifference

Blue, like water, and alone like me, the sky was flowing like the river that day. Once again, I wondered how’d it be to live like Huckleberry Finn, floating down the Mississippi on a rickety raft. The sun would be going down soon and the xanax was making me tired beyond belief. Okay, I took two, one more than prescribed, but excuse alert! I had to go shopping today with my mom. Oy vey, excuse my Yiddish. Now she wants me to go with her to Philadelpha in April, but I don’t think there’s enough sedatives in the world to survive a ten-hour trip like that with two nagging freaks.

Anyways, I was trying to keep my focus on the things beyond the film of depression that settled over my eyes that morning. It happens when I wake up and realize the world is still shitty.

There waa a nice tide coming in, geese flying overhead, and the sky wasn’t so lonely anymore. Clouds had arrived just as soon as I thought of wading in the water, hoping it was warm. But the rain told me otherwise. Plus, it wasn’t like we were in California, where you could actually walk barefoot on the beach. Here, in Maine, you’d have to have huge calloused hooves to walk through those grooves and rocks without ending up dying the water red.

I could just go home, I though, to that one place where nothing moves and nothing talks. I mean, I spend the whole day there by myself, so there’s obviously no need for a living room, seeing as I walk room to room like a zombie looking for something that’ll never be there. Perhaps, brains.

“But I think I’d rather stay here, “ I reconsidered, “where it’s cold, and I am free to smoke cigarettes without worrying Mom might show up to shake her head in disgust and say, ‘Wow, you smell like a million cigarettes.’ ” Besides, this little nook by the water is pretty alright, you know? There’s freshly budding dandelions that fill the air with a “finally-spring” kind of aroma. At, my house, on the other hand, snow is still spontaneously sitting stubbornly on the lawn reminding of us winter.

I really don’t remember why I came out here in the first place, but I’m glad I did. I don’t know why I’m glad either. It’s just something about getting away from all things familiar. I hope people agree.