Exploding Epiphany Within The Cell

At this moment, I am experiencing nausea by emotion. Too many conflicting emotions, too many conflicting electrons and neutrons, so much withheld energy...
The result is:
A) An ulcer
B) A fucked-up nucleus
C) "Snap!"
D) All of the above -- Correct!

I am living within a cell, a world of extremes.
Voice my opinions confidently, free the emotional energy, and be degraded as ONE CRAZY BITCH = left side of the spectrum.
Hold in all opinions, stressors and static building, not talk at all, and live as a hermit = right side of the spectrum.

I am unable to find the neutrality. I have the inability to be modest, to be reserved, to only voice the opinions that will portray the "correct" image of "myself".
There are too many levels to the "ego". You tell me to trust myself more. How can one trust someone they don't even know and can't identify? You tell me I am a better person than I think. On one the recessive level of the ego, I know that I am an exceptional being. On the dominating level, I am doubtful.

So, how, I ask, is it so hard to understand the reason I am anxious? With such internal conflict, a cell cannot function. The future is worst at best. I can't make a living voicing such strong opinions. Example - Yesterday, I quit my job after realizing that gossip was what ran the company.
I can't depend on my husband and be bound to a house for the rest of my life.
But I refuse to fake my life.

So how will things be ok, like you say?
Where can I express myself freely without being penalized for my thoughts, philosophies, and opinions?

Politics? Too many scandals; nobody votes for the extreme liberal or conservative. They must be moderate.

Lawyering? I can't defend the guilty.

Journalism? Yes. I can express myself through strong written words for choosing eyes to read that I cannot for unwilling ears to hear through voice. I can delete words that come off too strongly that I cannot take back in conversation.

I have found my major. I have found my major!