Monday, May 03, 2010

Small to Large - An Attempt To Rationalize My Feelings

Wondering when I'll see him again. Waiting for that moment where all butterflies will be trapped within the pit of my stomach, I'll glance at him and shudder with overwhelming delight.

He's still in Iraq, doodling on the margins of notebook pages, when's he not hammering away on the radios that he must repair. No sip of alcohol for a year for my love after a year of daily drinking. No halitosis or boxers; hygiene is Army strong. No touching or kissing; celebacy is Army stronger. And no freedom, just a base to roam in; imprisonment in a desert is the Army strong and ironic.

All wars end and survivors return home to screech at their spouses for not having dinner on the table at the exact moment they come home. They'll drink for three days til work starts back up again, having barbecues and parties with their battle buddies. They'll debate over re-enlisting or getting out after the two years they signed on for. "Maybe we'll get sent overseas to Japan," one will say.
"Yeah! I've always felt antithesis for Japs but I could get over that real fast."

Although in some ways we do feel like we owe our soldier kin for their sacrifices of freedom, they must recognize that while they are over there, we are still living our own lives over here. We can't possibly go to school, work, and do all the household chores on our own. We won't be beaten and tossed around like a ragdolls, just because it wasn't us who fought the brutal heat in Iraq or were under enemy attacks of mortar bombs. We fought the great war against mosquitoes and black flies, traitors and liars, temptation and desire. Our war may not be so deadly but we are merely human and soldiers we all are.

3 comments:

johngoldfine said...

I like pieces like this at the end of the semester--pieces that are easy for me because they sparkle so and require no buts and no what-if-you-did-thises and no what-week-is-thises and so on.

Just a bright shiny piece that says that everything good you do in your writing (and here's a fine example) you owe to your humble 162instructor. Don't forget to say you owe it all to me as you accept the Award.

Truth is, you owe it all to you, and I couldn't write a piece like this in a million years and not just because my spouse is in Maine instead of Iraq.

I could be ending this comment any old time, several sentences or even paragraphs back, but I'm holding on because I keep re-reading snippets and feeling fresh waves of admiration for its ambiguity, its stylishness, its sadness, its glory, its honesty, its richness, and its unapologetic tone for its AS-ness.

It seems a shame you have to write any more for 162--how can you top this?

Alexandra said...

How about I don't write anymore? I wouldn't want to spoil the awesomeness of this piece. :P

johngoldfine said...

Mhhhmmm...